His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
