Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
