I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
