my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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