your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
