well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
