She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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