I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize