i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Farmville is her only friend.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
