yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
