Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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