There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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