Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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