In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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