can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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