Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
