So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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