apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
As shirtless as possible
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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