it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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