I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
