So drunk, too bad you don't want this
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
