grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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