Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
