forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
