Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
