she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
