the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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