Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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