I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
