4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
