Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
