This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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