Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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