did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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