it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
