Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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