You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
