Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
