If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
