i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
