what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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