So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
