this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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