yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
