did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
