he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
