He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
