i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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