just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
