he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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