I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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