I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
