Your face is a jimmy john
dude i'm inner monologue high
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Rumble strips road head = magical
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
