yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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