My entire life is one complicated drinking game
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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