ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
