don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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