You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
