he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
