I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
