Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Randomize
