it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Randomize
