I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
