i permit you to call me
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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