I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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