Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
