I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
