We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
