Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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