Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
