roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
