3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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